Hello everyone

Yes, hello. It has certainly been a while since I have posted anything other than the notes from my voice hearing.

There are many reasons for that. Mostly being very busy at college on the course that I am taking.

I also banked up a lot of posts at the end of 2017 to help me cope with assignments and not becoming overwhelmed with feeling that I constantly had to update this blog. It was very helpful to live with the knowledge that I had a lot of posts before I had to come and type up more experiences here.

I’ve also been struggling with what I would call a relapse in my symptoms. I’m having more visual hallucinations and finding it harder to concentrate than normal. Something which has had a great impact on me getting my assignments done and handed in on time.

Luckily I have good teachers at college who are very helpful, supportive and who understand that I sometimes need more time to do things.

If you can’t tell already, I ran out of the saved up blog posts recently and haven’t gotten round to getting the next lot up and ready to go. That will be happening soon for anyone that is interested in more recent voice hearing.


This blog is very important to me, both as a means of monitoring how my experiences with hearing voices have changed over time and as a way of showing what it’s actually like to hear voices.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I was too socially anxious to go to psychosis support groups and the internet plus other forms of media is filled with examples that I can’t relate to.

According to the mental health team that I’m getting therapy from, my psychosis is pretty weird…and it gets kind of annoying to explain yourself over and over again to people.

On youtube, there are a lot of videos that purport to be what it’s like to hear voices and although they might be things that ring true for other people, it’s not an experience that I have now. In the first few years of my psychosis, I did hear individual people who had names and distinctive personalities but after having effective therapy, (Let’s not talk about my experiences with the children’s services) those people disappeared or fractured into multiple voices.

So this is a better approximation of my experience, only the words that are being said are more distinct.

 

So… I just wanted to let you know that I am still around, even if I’m not posting all that often. That, I am determined to keep going with this, even though at times it feels like I am the only person in the world that is reading it. That’s alright because I find it to be very therapeutic.

Hopefully, if you also hear voices or experience other sensory hallucinations this blog is a place that can help you feel like you are not alone.

If you aren’t I hope that I can help to show you what it is actually like to experience things like this.


 

 

So lastly, if anyone has any questions that they would like to ask me please feel free to do so in the comments below.

Advertisements
Posted in Information, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

女儿,妈妈,女儿,女儿,妈妈,女儿

It’s so cold.

It’s very cold.

Wow, there are so many books in here.

Shall we get this one?

She doesn’t have her library card with her.

Oh well, that sucks.

You need to find your keys.

She does.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Shut up.

Cookabura.

That’s not how you spell it.

Frere Jaques, Frere Jaques, Dormez vous.

Dormez vous.

Are you singing again?

女儿,妈妈,女儿,女儿,妈妈,女儿。

Let’s not do this alright?

Okay but I like her handwriting in this language.

널 좋아해.

Why are there so many of you in here today?

Danke. Viele danke.

Is that spelled right?

Probably not…

Don’t you have to go somewhere today?

Today, toad day, today, toad day.

Day, may, way, bay, say, parlay, stay, neighsay, mayday, slay, gray, half pay.

Go already.

Drink more water. Isn’t that why you brought it with you?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

7,000 words left

Being a butcher back then must have been very dangerous.

My dad won’t let, let me do this.

We need to get some revenge

Let’s have a casual ride to get out revenge.

How many words do you think we have written?

How many words?

I know that she has over 7,000 words left.

There isn’t a lot of time left really is there?]

I think you need to go now!

Ravens are flying around us.

Ravens do, do those things but her spine is crunching again and her finger has gone numb.

I think that we might have damaged these headphones after using them in this way.

The land of the ancients.

It’s some Narnia based things.

It does have to start soon. That’s why she’s worried. It always takes forever.

I want to eat chips when we go home.

So do

There is a little time in which to get some work done.

I do work in here how about you

She does get stuff done

Stuff is cleared away efficiently

Drawing a clock was the worst homework because it has to be a perfect circle at ones with hands have to be.

I wish that she could stop sniffing but that isn’t happening so…

She has the flu that’s why.

Let’s go to biology!

Let’s climb this mountain together.

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

We are above the seagull

Do you really want to listen to this?

I know that I don’t.

It is very unpleasant.

Well that was a nice diversion

Let’s get going again.

Let’s really get cooking again with this

What is the next lesson

The next lesson is the workshop with lee. It’s at half one.

We really need to get used to this 1:30pm end of dinner thing.

It really is still snowing right now.

There is nearly an hour left of this show.

There is nearly an hour left

What sort of things?

What sort of things live on paper?

That is something that needs to be researched later.

Is it really still snowing

It is really pretty.

It really is still snowing.

Why were they older in particular.

How tiring would it be for them?

We can really see the stadium from here.

Everyone needs to be respectful to this lady

We all need to

Is it louder in here that you thought it would be?

I think so too I think that tomorrow would be a better idea to sit in the place for people with learning difficulties.

That room

It is something to do with the bible.

Keep the bottle out of your bag ‘cos it’s leaking.

From later on we need to add up the typing that we did last night with the things that we have done today.

What sort of food would we like to eat later?

I think rice would be a good idea with some sort of curry flavor things.

We need to put on some more hand creams.

Hand cream or hand creme?

This skit sounds a lot like Donald Trump.

My hands are sitting on top of the snow.

All the snow is melting because of all the water outside.

I think that this is taking entirely too much time for lunchtime to end

But we are getting a lot done.

You are allowed to be sad.

We are above the seagull.

Seagull flying by

Seagull flying by the window we are in.

There is a time that we need to pass.

I have crystals

A crystal tea service.

I guess that there are a lot of problems that are caused by being in this sort of place

I would have been very sad if the food was bad.

Food is very sad

Yes

It is very tempting I suppose

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

It’s real and filled with emotions

It is something that happened in the past.

It doesn’t seem like something that is out of character.

The morning is on its way. It’s coming.

Sparkly. Sparkly.

Fake time fake fake fake!

All of this is fake

No, it’s not it’s real and filled with emotions.

I am very not okay.

She is better though…she is better though.

I am certain that the bananas are not going to help everything is happening especially to her body.

Can we charge forward now?

Is that something that can be done.

We need to sort our life out.

Let’s just go now and wait…we can look at our phone until it’s time to come in.

There is so much work to do and little time to do it in. Get this the fuck done Raven!

Is doing this here still as weird as it was last week.

Your hands are looking really badly chapped

That is why she has brought those hand creams with her.

How long till the first lesson.

Technically it’s half an hour until physics starts.

Make sure that you get a few drinks in.

Today will be hard but you can do it.

I wish that they would spend a lot less time on this potential marriage.

What I really want to know?

Does your hair look okay?

I would think that it would be.

But it has been very windy and cold this morning.

The ash from the volcano is going to be a problem for people is going to be a problem for flights.

The ash hasn’t traveled a considerable amount of distance but the wind can change direction.

I hope that good things to happen

We are all doomed because people can’t spell.

Imagine eating that many coins

Imagine how dirty that is

I think that he has pica to be honest.

That’s what i would think because that’s a compulsion to eat nonfood items.

Is there something that you would like to talk about.

Arent all these moments of writing going to get all mixed up with one another

I really think that you would like to put more pens into your pencil case.

More pens that are thicker than these ones are a good idea.

Why?

They will hurt her hands less than these very thin ones.

You are going to have to get going to the first lesson that you have!

Yes.

Of course, we will

The sign was written wrongly. That is why it was written wrongly. Also, it made people annoyed because of that.

Also somehow and someway you are going to write that personal statement and start work on your chemistry assignment too!

In the next 4 minutes, we have to get going.

I am as tired as she is

I am tired too

I was very tired

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Her nose is leaking

I am going to help us towards everything done.

I want to eat everything and it’s dragging her through it.

In the moment things can be done something I am melting

She is freezing rather than melting at the moment.

There is joy in the act of talking to all of these things that we are talking and speaking through all of the moments that can be happened.

Her nose is leaking.

Yes, we are leaking a lot.

Her heart is leaking

We are itchy because she has an itchy nose.

I am very itchy and it bothers me.

There are things that her heart cannot say at the moment.

There are charms that he has

Pain is happening to you right now so you should try to calm down.

You should do something that is something.

We should watch that old show again the space is something that we should do so again.

You are starting to make less and less sense.

Huh? Starting?

There better be more to you than what we can see about all of this can be with me.

I saw some ducks that can be seen. I saw things that can be seen. I wanted to get all of this done and what not.

Is this seriously something that is happening right now.

Are they going to talk about the monster that happens in these episodes I like it a lot so I’m interested?

There are things that I really wanted to see it before.

I was scared at this point in the show.

He is something that is very important.

They were talking and it came to all of this.

They did talk very much about the monster.

Things happened in the show.

Things did happen.

I am sure that it did.

I wanted to talk about it I wanted to talk about it all.

We wrote this last year you know?

She didn’t

The thing was written and the thing is she needed to write it then because she needed to talk about it.

Who is all of this about.

My wrist is part of your wrist

You definitely need to do some exercise tomorrow.

This is part of an info dump

This is part of something its part of the story that the things are and all of that.

It was a thought that happened

The bow was something that was filled with the chocolate that was seen here

There are words that are used here that are not used to the same effect over there.

Ordinary people are important though. They are all important

This is something that helped everyone to overcome it all.

People needed to hear those sorts of things back then. It was something very important.

It was a children’s show back then they didn’t know how much of it should do in the new version back then.

Cool things will remain cool through time.

The judgment of time will happen.

His life would have been over then.

True.

Everone needs to hold hands and be friends with one another.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What is nougat made of?

We should all make something into something.

I am very proud of something like all of this.

This guy is more important than the bad things that happened to him.

That is a very nice thing to say

I really think that things will be very good. I like the people in it and so does she

I think that is a good idea.

Let’s all run forward towards the pictures that can be seen at the end of the hall

This pen is hurting you a lot isn’t it?

Use a different one.

How long are you going to be doing this?

As long as it takes to get to 20,000 and/or there is no voice hearing to hear.

No voices talking to or around her and all of the things.

We are very busy and very, very filled with nougat.

What is nougat made of?

A lot of sugar and sometimes nuts and all that.

You should use a bigger book and all of that

But she wants to use up all of this energy and all the pages within the book.

How many of these can be written and how many can be read?

More than we can stand to help us all through these things

We can power through all of that stuff

The character arks are very powerful

They are very interesting

There are indeed. Indeed very, very full of things full of things full of things.

Shall we move on to things? Move on to things that are actually about the show that they are covering?

Yes.

This is making quite a big pile of pens

Lots of love can be passed to other humans. Just open your heart

But my heart is filled with poisonous bats so I don’t think that will be very loving

This is the episode that really we really like. I haven’t watched enough of the old episodes we need to catch up to everything that we need to understand the future.

I also took notes too!

In my mind, there is a mind filled with other minds.

A mystery that can be explained to us all.

The library is spooky

We used to hide

Everyone used to hide

It is very emotional

All the emotions are felt.

Tears happen for me too in these episodes.

There is a pile of pens a pile of pens a pile a real big pen pile.

We are using these things to power up and power through.

I wanted to make something to help us all.

We made it through the things

We can do two different things going on at the same time.

How much can you write in an hour apparently this much?

This is a lot to write shall we do more?

Of course, we are moving onwards.

Moving upwards!

Moving, moving, moving.

It is something that he truly, truly, truly something that can be filled with nougat.

I am not going to jump through hoops in order to help you to deal with all of this.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bream time

There is very little time.

It’s why she got the swords out of the blue box the other day.

We should be with her more often in order to prevent the pain from coming back again.

We need to look after her because this is not helping.

This is not helping at all

What should we do?

We need to remember to help her a lot more

I needed to make sure to help her through this very bad time.

Where shall we go?

Where do we need to go to find these things?

I suggested to her that we have to go out on the bike in order to deal with this panic.

When

In the morning. It’s helped in the past

She really has had a hard time with all of this I think that it has been particularly helpful to help her though.

It’s gotten her through some very difficult things. I don’t know how much we have been through that couldn’t have happened in the past.

Lots of good things have happened.

We are writing a lot tonight firing through the pages.

You are very far behind in all of this.  Lots of words lie ahead on the path towards all of this.

Itchy noses are itchy and hers are very itchy.

It was the first time that it happened

More than nine percent is a very big margin in these sorts of things.

I am very proud of these things

My hands are very not good right now they are covered in eels.

Is that how you spell eels?

Eels are a rather creepy animal but they are supposed to taste very nice.

How long are things going to stay like this?

13 years apparently

These are both happy and sad events

It’s sad that it’s taken so long.

I thought that you were going to only change the colour of the pen after an entire page was done?

It was hurting her hand too much the last pen that we were using.

There isn’t enough time going on right now.

There is enough to get all of this done.

Next year matters a lot.

This needs to be something by which we move forwards

It’s not true

There are words that can be used to draw pictures within the minds of other people.

I am the reader of the bok that was written within the well

There are other people who have read it too

At the bottom of the well

Why is the well back? She isn’t depressed right now

I think it is the stress that is going on.

Do you think that we should go talk to them?

If this continues through Monday and we don’t make any progress.

We need to print a lot of fo things off so make sure that you have all of that ready to go.

Is there something that you would like something that shall be done in the other days that are filled with baby hedgehogs.

We don’t want anyone else to have to go with anything that has happened to all of this badly.

What bad things could happen in the meantime?

Meantime. Bream time.

It is something that there is something that there is something

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Change all of the pens

Well there really isn’t a lot of time left is there

Well no but we shall overcome all of this because we always do get through things

The subject matter is problematic

Of course, it is

Things about this sort of thing makes everyone feel uncomfortable

You should go to sleep

She isn’t going to. We all know that

Yes we all know that sleep is something that isn’t going to happen tonight

What is the podcast we want to listen to called

I cant remember but I hope that it will be something that is good to listen to.

It might be bad. I don’t think that it will be though

Doctor Who and Harry Potter both things are really hard to not love.

This relationship is going on the way that is very cool very cool this is all very cool.

Everyone is trying to be the best people that they can be

Everyone is just getting to the bottom of the sand

Sand at the the bottom of all knowledge and power.

Search for it!

What?

The podcast she wants to listen to.

There has to be many things that are better than the scary things

Change many different pens.

Change all the pens of the pens. Change all of the pens.

This is a very unproblematic choice to make.

I am very proud of them for making it

We will probably never know everything that happened. That is just the way that things are in this world.

There are many things for you to hold onto and many things that you have to look forward to.

Is there anything that you would like do? Is there anything that you would like to go see?

We might be able to help each other.

That guy really sounds like an idiot, saying something like that at all at least…especially in public.

Moving on. Moving up and moving onwards upwards and filled with all the memories of things that we should remember.

Can we charge this? Can we charge any of these things?

Can we, should we? Shall we?

I like the picture I like all of your pictures, we should take more pictures and write more things in the posts and everything.

I helped you to find the chewing thing.

The chewing things are comfortable and nice, nice, nice.

Nice things are nice.

I am nice they are nice also she is very nice.

Writing is giving you a very big callus on our finger

Some people are proud of their calluses they show the things and effort they have put into the action that created it.

We have many different colours that we can use.

All the colours that are here are colours that we can see and enjoy.

I enjoy colours but she is scared of them.

She’s not scared. Some of them are just too bright

Too bright for us to see. Too bright for us to be.

There are people that cant see colours

It’s called colourblindness. That’s sort of sad.

If you do these things then there are parts of it that are harmful and wrong.

Yes, but we need to tell people why!

Do you think that more letters should be written?

I think that there should be. She is very busy at the moment though. So there is very little time in which to get all of this done.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

People are very scary

Her pelvis hurts

That is something that is to be expected though isn’t it.

Make sure to sellotape over the travel pass

How many ducks do you think can fit in here?

There are things that can be here in the mirror of the crabs that have been turned into crabby crab crabs.

Who would have slept on the roof? Seems like a very dangerous place to be sleeping.

Just go down and, and make sure that you are sure that you tell them that this sort of thing makes you very anxious.

We have to get ready to leave soon.

The writing is important and your dedication to this is very heartwarming

This podcast episode is very long

I don’t remember how and when I started this episode

That sounds like something that I would like to go visit the place.

If you would like to we should go there.

It’s not real.

Neither are we.

So this is something…

How many octopuses fit in a box

I think this is ending soon.

I think it is ending.

There is a half an hour left until the lesson is soon over.

What you mean is something that…

What he means is that the lesson will soon be starting

We have ten minutes more will be left.

My legs are inside of her legs.

My legs are inside of your legs that are inside of her legs.

The dog was a very cute dog.

Ice-cream cone paper clip. Ice cream cone paper clip

That sounds like a night

A very scary night

Money like that is very scary

People are very scary

You just have to be careful of everything.

That sounds like something that would be very scary

We have to go somewhere soon

We have to go to the biology lesson that we have a nest. The one where we learn about metabolism.

Now we have to do something

Should we set off now and continue listening to this until then

I think that that certainly is a plan.

Yes or no?

How many milkmaids can fit into this barn

You need to wash your face

You need to wash your face

Maybe not until they were older.

I like this but I wished that they talked about the things that I like more

But they are not you

They are not you

There are things that we are talking about and I want to talk to you.

How much change do we have??

How much do we want to have? How much do we need?

Though for presents

Urgh

I really hate this time of year

The culture is problematic

Go take a rest

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment