We can’t have a bunny

You are sitting on your own.

On your own.

Own.

Own something.

Buying something.

Lying on something.

Great, wait, weight, plate, plate, mate, nitrate, berate, great, freight.

Free all of the bunnies.

I want a bunny.

Get me a bunny.

We can’t have a bunny.

The pain is something that we want to get through all of the things.

Things are happening.

Free and filled with Danish biscuits.

How much are we doing?

Find that purse be sure we need to buy something soon.

This is something that could have been jiggled to be something.

Something cool is great.

Something cool is really great.

I wonder why all of these things are as dark as they are right now.

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Before the dawn

It would have been very scary.

This is scary for everything.

This is something. This is something that could have done these things.

You could have drawn all these things as before.

Before the dawn.

Before the dawn.

You know. I know.

We are filled with the memories of the silence.

Isn’t that a brand of tissue? Or cleaner or something…

Eww.

That is something that happens though?

I am filled with the thoughts of the dragons that we know before.

What normal things should have been done?

What memories were needed in the moment?

Isn’t the appointment something that you were worried about?

Well that is true but she’s worried about other things too.

The worry about other things is normal though most  women are worried about it.

Good job for changing your clothes and getting the juice that you needed.

Make sure that you drink enough today,

Make sure that you drink enough in general.

We should do something to do with all of this.

Are you really counting all of these things?

He became the monster that he had hated as a child.

This show has a lot of problems.

Wow, there are certainly a lot of problems back then that no-one knew they needed to do something about,

I’m glad that things are getting better.

There were a lot of things that are here during the sadness.

Sadness is not a problem.

It really is.

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I agree

Is that number an important number?

Yes it’s the crisis number.

Is it really?

Yes it is.

Are you sure?

That lady gave it to us. So i think that would have been the right one.

Is going through all of this as tiring for you as it is for us?

I would have thought so.

How much tapping are you going to do?

Dont have a go at her, she’s just doing her best.

We are just doing our best to get  through this stuff.

It’s sort of sad that things have come to this.

Does it happen to any other problems?

This guy that we are learning about us a very bad person.

He is a bad person.

I agree.

I agree with you.

Who looks at this? Other than you of course?

People who like looking at nice pictures.

You said before that this was the last page. Is that something that still holds true?

It does of course. She wants to transition into typing later.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Are you really sure.

Yes.

Are you really sure.

Yes.

Let’s not fight when there is work to be done.

I am too full of Christmas like food.

I was really, really cold.

I was very, much very cold.

You are too hot now though.

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Breathe, breathe

Well, that was so scary.

You need to wear a bra tomorrow, that is why your chest hurts so much right now.

I am wandering along the beach where we are here on the momentary beaches and the sand.

The sand was something in the air.

Air is flowing past us.

Ravens are flying past in the sky their black feathers float down.

Are we sure about the power of the dragon’s breath?

Breathe in and breathe out.

Breathe. Breathe.

I want to enter into the drinking contract.

I want to show you the bottom of the problems that we were in here.

Are you sure about this?

I am sure that we were here.

Breathing through the reed that we were using was hard.

Are you sure about this?

She is as sure as she can be.

If you think about it too much, things can get very complicated.

This though is very uncomplicated.

He is wrong in his thinking.

He is.

The path that he has chosen isn’t a great one.

Are you happy?

This is making her happier.

What?

The fact that people like her for who she is maybe that is something that she sees as important.

Just hold everything in for now until later when you will need it. In the meantime, I would like to show you everything that is happening.

In the grounds of the old abandoned hospital, there is a pond.

There certainly is a pond.

The water there is deep enough to come to mid-thigh.

Make sure you drink a lot more water tonight.

You didn’t get anything to drink until way too late in proceedings.

That does sound exciting though.

What?

Going to Kent.

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Hello everyone

Yes, hello. It has certainly been a while since I have posted anything other than the notes from my voice hearing.

There are many reasons for that. Mostly being very busy at college on the course that I am taking.

I also banked up a lot of posts at the end of 2017 to help me cope with assignments and not becoming overwhelmed with feeling that I constantly had to update this blog. It was very helpful to live with the knowledge that I had a lot of posts before I had to come and type up more experiences here.

I’ve also been struggling with what I would call a relapse in my symptoms. I’m having more visual hallucinations and finding it harder to concentrate than normal. Something which has had a great impact on me getting my assignments done and handed in on time.

Luckily I have good teachers at college who are very helpful, supportive and who understand that I sometimes need more time to do things.

If you can’t tell already, I ran out of the saved up blog posts recently and haven’t gotten round to getting the next lot up and ready to go. That will be happening soon for anyone that is interested in more recent voice hearing.


This blog is very important to me, both as a means of monitoring how my experiences with hearing voices have changed over time and as a way of showing what it’s actually like to hear voices.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I was too socially anxious to go to psychosis support groups and the internet plus other forms of media is filled with examples that I can’t relate to.

According to the mental health team that I’m getting therapy from, my psychosis is pretty weird…and it gets kind of annoying to explain yourself over and over again to people.

On youtube, there are a lot of videos that purport to be what it’s like to hear voices and although they might be things that ring true for other people, it’s not an experience that I have now. In the first few years of my psychosis, I did hear individual people who had names and distinctive personalities but after having effective therapy, (Let’s not talk about my experiences with the children’s services) those people disappeared or fractured into multiple voices.

So this is a better approximation of my experience, only the words that are being said are more distinct.

 

So… I just wanted to let you know that I am still around, even if I’m not posting all that often. That, I am determined to keep going with this, even though at times it feels like I am the only person in the world that is reading it. That’s alright because I find it to be very therapeutic.

Hopefully, if you also hear voices or experience other sensory hallucinations this blog is a place that can help you feel like you are not alone.

If you aren’t I hope that I can help to show you what it is actually like to experience things like this.


 

 

So lastly, if anyone has any questions that they would like to ask me please feel free to do so in the comments below.

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女儿,妈妈,女儿,女儿,妈妈,女儿

It’s so cold.

It’s very cold.

Wow, there are so many books in here.

Shall we get this one?

She doesn’t have her library card with her.

Oh well, that sucks.

You need to find your keys.

She does.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Shut up.

Cookabura.

That’s not how you spell it.

Frere Jaques, Frere Jaques, Dormez vous.

Dormez vous.

Are you singing again?

女儿,妈妈,女儿,女儿,妈妈,女儿。

Let’s not do this alright?

Okay but I like her handwriting in this language.

널 좋아해.

Why are there so many of you in here today?

Danke. Viele danke.

Is that spelled right?

Probably not…

Don’t you have to go somewhere today?

Today, toad day, today, toad day.

Day, may, way, bay, say, parlay, stay, neighsay, mayday, slay, gray, half pay.

Go already.

Drink more water. Isn’t that why you brought it with you?

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7,000 words left

Being a butcher back then must have been very dangerous.

My dad won’t let, let me do this.

We need to get some revenge

Let’s have a casual ride to get out revenge.

How many words do you think we have written?

How many words?

I know that she has over 7,000 words left.

There isn’t a lot of time left really is there?]

I think you need to go now!

Ravens are flying around us.

Ravens do, do those things but her spine is crunching again and her finger has gone numb.

I think that we might have damaged these headphones after using them in this way.

The land of the ancients.

It’s some Narnia based things.

It does have to start soon. That’s why she’s worried. It always takes forever.

I want to eat chips when we go home.

So do

There is a little time in which to get some work done.

I do work in here how about you

She does get stuff done

Stuff is cleared away efficiently

Drawing a clock was the worst homework because it has to be a perfect circle at ones with hands have to be.

I wish that she could stop sniffing but that isn’t happening so…

She has the flu that’s why.

Let’s go to biology!

Let’s climb this mountain together.

 

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We are above the seagull

Do you really want to listen to this?

I know that I don’t.

It is very unpleasant.

Well that was a nice diversion

Let’s get going again.

Let’s really get cooking again with this

What is the next lesson

The next lesson is the workshop with lee. It’s at half one.

We really need to get used to this 1:30pm end of dinner thing.

It really is still snowing right now.

There is nearly an hour left of this show.

There is nearly an hour left

What sort of things?

What sort of things live on paper?

That is something that needs to be researched later.

Is it really still snowing

It is really pretty.

It really is still snowing.

Why were they older in particular.

How tiring would it be for them?

We can really see the stadium from here.

Everyone needs to be respectful to this lady

We all need to

Is it louder in here that you thought it would be?

I think so too I think that tomorrow would be a better idea to sit in the place for people with learning difficulties.

That room

It is something to do with the bible.

Keep the bottle out of your bag ‘cos it’s leaking.

From later on we need to add up the typing that we did last night with the things that we have done today.

What sort of food would we like to eat later?

I think rice would be a good idea with some sort of curry flavor things.

We need to put on some more hand creams.

Hand cream or hand creme?

This skit sounds a lot like Donald Trump.

My hands are sitting on top of the snow.

All the snow is melting because of all the water outside.

I think that this is taking entirely too much time for lunchtime to end

But we are getting a lot done.

You are allowed to be sad.

We are above the seagull.

Seagull flying by

Seagull flying by the window we are in.

There is a time that we need to pass.

I have crystals

A crystal tea service.

I guess that there are a lot of problems that are caused by being in this sort of place

I would have been very sad if the food was bad.

Food is very sad

Yes

It is very tempting I suppose

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It’s real and filled with emotions

It is something that happened in the past.

It doesn’t seem like something that is out of character.

The morning is on its way. It’s coming.

Sparkly. Sparkly.

Fake time fake fake fake!

All of this is fake

No, it’s not it’s real and filled with emotions.

I am very not okay.

She is better though…she is better though.

I am certain that the bananas are not going to help everything is happening especially to her body.

Can we charge forward now?

Is that something that can be done.

We need to sort our life out.

Let’s just go now and wait…we can look at our phone until it’s time to come in.

There is so much work to do and little time to do it in. Get this the fuck done Raven!

Is doing this here still as weird as it was last week.

Your hands are looking really badly chapped

That is why she has brought those hand creams with her.

How long till the first lesson.

Technically it’s half an hour until physics starts.

Make sure that you get a few drinks in.

Today will be hard but you can do it.

I wish that they would spend a lot less time on this potential marriage.

What I really want to know?

Does your hair look okay?

I would think that it would be.

But it has been very windy and cold this morning.

The ash from the volcano is going to be a problem for people is going to be a problem for flights.

The ash hasn’t traveled a considerable amount of distance but the wind can change direction.

I hope that good things to happen

We are all doomed because people can’t spell.

Imagine eating that many coins

Imagine how dirty that is

I think that he has pica to be honest.

That’s what i would think because that’s a compulsion to eat nonfood items.

Is there something that you would like to talk about.

Arent all these moments of writing going to get all mixed up with one another

I really think that you would like to put more pens into your pencil case.

More pens that are thicker than these ones are a good idea.

Why?

They will hurt her hands less than these very thin ones.

You are going to have to get going to the first lesson that you have!

Yes.

Of course, we will

The sign was written wrongly. That is why it was written wrongly. Also, it made people annoyed because of that.

Also somehow and someway you are going to write that personal statement and start work on your chemistry assignment too!

In the next 4 minutes, we have to get going.

I am as tired as she is

I am tired too

I was very tired

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Her nose is leaking

I am going to help us towards everything done.

I want to eat everything and it’s dragging her through it.

In the moment things can be done something I am melting

She is freezing rather than melting at the moment.

There is joy in the act of talking to all of these things that we are talking and speaking through all of the moments that can be happened.

Her nose is leaking.

Yes, we are leaking a lot.

Her heart is leaking

We are itchy because she has an itchy nose.

I am very itchy and it bothers me.

There are things that her heart cannot say at the moment.

There are charms that he has

Pain is happening to you right now so you should try to calm down.

You should do something that is something.

We should watch that old show again the space is something that we should do so again.

You are starting to make less and less sense.

Huh? Starting?

There better be more to you than what we can see about all of this can be with me.

I saw some ducks that can be seen. I saw things that can be seen. I wanted to get all of this done and what not.

Is this seriously something that is happening right now.

Are they going to talk about the monster that happens in these episodes I like it a lot so I’m interested?

There are things that I really wanted to see it before.

I was scared at this point in the show.

He is something that is very important.

They were talking and it came to all of this.

They did talk very much about the monster.

Things happened in the show.

Things did happen.

I am sure that it did.

I wanted to talk about it I wanted to talk about it all.

We wrote this last year you know?

She didn’t

The thing was written and the thing is she needed to write it then because she needed to talk about it.

Who is all of this about.

My wrist is part of your wrist

You definitely need to do some exercise tomorrow.

This is part of an info dump

This is part of something its part of the story that the things are and all of that.

It was a thought that happened

The bow was something that was filled with the chocolate that was seen here

There are words that are used here that are not used to the same effect over there.

Ordinary people are important though. They are all important

This is something that helped everyone to overcome it all.

People needed to hear those sorts of things back then. It was something very important.

It was a children’s show back then they didn’t know how much of it should do in the new version back then.

Cool things will remain cool through time.

The judgment of time will happen.

His life would have been over then.

True.

Everone needs to hold hands and be friends with one another.

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