Being psychotic has it’s good points as well as it’s bad points. I mean you never have to take hallucinogenic substances, your brain does it all for you. And like taking those substances, there are super cool weird things that you see or hear or taste or smell or touch. How often do you get to see a purple coloured cat with an orange moustache walking down the street wearing a bowler hat? Also, when do you get to wake up to find yourself in a room where blood is pouring down the walls or where Jesus and the Budda are having a conversation about ducks?
For me, in the beginning, there was a lot of this super scary stuff going on, but as I gained more and more insight into what was going on, things started getting really positive. I know that none of what’s going on is real, so during bad times I just sort of say to myself that it’s all just a nightmare. A nightmare that’s happening whilst I’m awake is all and that it’ll pass eventually.
Other than that, I get a lot of companionship from the voices that I hear. There’s always someone to listen to what I have to say about something. They don’t usually have a problem with me talking to them about a subject for hours on end. I don’t have to pretend to be normal around them, to conform to society’s rules of human interaction, most of which I don’t understand. I wasn’t diagnosed with Asperger’s till I was 21 years old so that caused a few problems in my life.
Plus they help me find things I’ve forgotten about and remind me to look after myself. Especially in regards to ensuring that I drink enough and get washed regularly.
I’m not currently taking any medication and this isn’t a propaganda piece about not taking medication…it’s just that after getting more to the root of the origins of my depression and anxiety and all the other feelings that are and were swirling around inside of me things calmed down a lot. Though if things ever returned to the way that they were before when things were really bad I would take whatever medicine I was prescribed to make it go away.
There was no hope then. No ability to see any other way but down and no way to communicate with anyone else.
Now I can name more than three emotions and can tell people when I don’t want to do something.